(Words about Jia.) Twentysomething. Chinese-Canadian. Torontonian. Writer. Film connoisseur. Strange. Fangirl. Bizarre. Morbid. Socialist. Nabokovian. (Values) Empathy, Equality, Forgiveness, Walking a mile in another man's shoes, Grey Thinking, Aestheticism, Asceticism. (Things I love.) Writing. Books. Films. Bunnies. Mythology. Art. Beautiful things. Vladimir Nabokov. (People I adore.) Andrew Garfield, Benedict Cumberbatch, Daniel Wu, Ezra Miller, Kim Jaejoong, Jang Wooyoung, Oh Sehun, Luhan, James McAvoy, Ryan Gosling, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, Milla Jovovich and Eva Green. (Things I obsess about.) Suits, Psych, Misfits, Pretty Little Liars, Gossip Girl, Revenge, Sherlock, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, 2PM, Exo, Movies, Anime. (Other things, mostly writing.) ubv_the_series tokyo_lovelight
i’ve been writing and writing fanfiction since late 2000, which means i have been writing fanfiction for over ten years. i’ve been doing this longer than most people knew what fanfiction was. i’ve read everything: the good, the really good, the really bad, and the kitsch.
[kitsch(noun) is a type of mass-produced art or design using popular or cultural motifs and icons.]
unfortunately, the exo fandom is very young demographically, which means 98% of the writing tends to be kitsch, and this includes the really popular ones like revolution, or 10090, or anterograde tomorrow.
i’ve discovered, except for revolution, i never like the “popular” fics in the exo fandom. i read 10080 and anterograde tomorrow and all i knew how it was gonna end from like the intro and all i can think is “kitsch kitsch kitsch kitsch” because, c’mon, if your answer to the agony of the human soul is death or amnesia, it’s just boring because you know how it’s gonna end.
this goes for a lot of baekyeol fics, tbh, which is why i never read them. kaisoo tends to be slightly better. hunhan is really bad hit or miss.
not to say my own fanfiction is any less kitsch (which all but maybe one is), but i know when i write kitsch. i know when i write well and when i don’t, i know this very clearly, and i think writers need to admit to themselves what it is that they write if they aspire to grow. my master, Nabokov, said it best: “what i want to produce is really that little sob in the spine of the artist reader”. i try my best to live by those words when the muses allot me so.
now why is kitsch so bad? it’s not, really, it’s fun, that’s the point. but it just makes me sad that the community doesn’t seem to be striving for more as i have seen with other fandoms, such as the various anime fandoms and the dbsk fandom in its hay day. i have rarely felt “the little sob” with exo fanfiction. there will come soft rains, delirium, speechless, and miss, missing, missed are really the only ones that i have felt really move beyond the realm of normal fanfiction and can really grow and expand to be something more. that’s what i try to do, because as much as i love exo as a group, they are mainly my muse for writing. fanfiction is only a means to my madness, to the hunger to create words and worlds.
i know i can’t expect people to follow my ridiculous and slightly elitist standards, but it’s not so wrong to want for more, is it? i want to feel that little sob, to feel my soul twist at the sheer majesty of the writing in itself.
and it’s because of all of this, because things like kitten are so popular, that i get really disappointed. i find myself lost in this tedium of kitsch that i often worry the skills i have practiced and practiced for over ten years is going to waste, and i worry that i’ll lose what allowed me to create she’s a mangled unicorn, silvery and beautiful trapped in tar and that i will never reach the mountains of and the rest is rust and stardust.
sometimes i think i ought to just quit and sit down and really work on my novel and move on, but it can be oh so very hard to ignore the muses when they seek my attention, and the plot bunnies are ever so fun to play with.
i am at a crossroad. i am at the doorstep of expectations.
*sigh* So I'm having one of those days where I'm just filled with Luhan feels and I'm not quite sure what to do with myself except look at his stupid face and listen to his stupid voice and then cry myself the blanket fort that I have made on my bed because I am sick right now.
Honestly, it's been a while since someone's affected me on this kind of level, where my adoration grows day by day exponentially. Really, it's only been Jaejoong in the past, who's been like my muse and everything, and now Luhan has taken that place beside him in the dark dark hole that is my heart. It's not like noona wants to be his wife or anything, Kris is more my type of guy, but I kind of just want to keep him and brush his hair and feed him sweets and take care of him. *_* Which makes it sound like I either want to be his mom or keep him as a pet.
*shakes head* This is my first LJ post in a long time and I talk about Luhan. /facepalm
Real life aside, I've been doing a lot of tumblring and writing. I have finally completed Electra, the second arc of my monster of a saga now. I can finally move on to the next portion, which I'm really excited about. I've also been crazily just writing a lot of EXO fanfiction. It's terrible. I'm totally neglecting my novel, Una Bella Vita, but I do sorta want to put that aside and kind of go back to it in the new year so I can begin the ugly process of re-writing. EXO (mainly Luhan) is like my muse right now and I just crazy want to write all kinds of stories. >_< It's horrible. I've got plot bunnies coming out of my ears for god's sake. Which is good, I guess. Better productive than not.
I've also been slowing shifting away from LJ because the community here seems to have gotten kind of ridiculous lately. Between the horrible changes to the writing/html format, I just don't find LJ as convenient as it used to be. Plus writing on asianfanfics.net has been kind of just easier to use. Not saying I would leave LJ any time soon, 'cause I'm usually logged in ALL DAY LONG, but still. :/ I've just been consumed with tumblr and instagram and plus all my real life friends have like left LJ cause of all the drama llama, but I'm just so attached! I've been on LJ since forever, it's hard to leave...
Hopefully LJ fixes its ugly problems soon. I just want to be able to format like I used to. :(