Just as I start to feel better about them...I hear this song on their album...


For those of you who don't want to bother listening, the opening lines of the song, in English, says:

"Give it to me...
So many boys want to give it to me,
But I want you boy to give it to me,
'Cause I'm so ready give it to me."

Suggestive fucking much? Hmmm...I wonder what this song is talking about? =_=; What does the songwriter think I am, an illiterate douchebag? I don't think so...I've read literature from Medea to Picture of Dorian Gray, 1984 to Anna Karenina, so I think I know my fucking metaphors, thank you.

This song disgusts me. Just as I start to have better feelings towards them, SM takes it away in one beautiful quick motion. I'm disgusted, really. I prefer the girls being like PCD and sluttified, but I'm not okay with them sounding like they're 16 and basically saying, "Hey, baby, I'm ready to get fucked by you have sex, so give it to me!" Vulgar, yes, but true.

This song makes me ashamed...Jessica and Tiffany both are American born English-speaking kids. I assume they are not retarded or have a mental disability, which means no freaking way they don't understand the implications of this song. And no woman with morals would go about singing this kind of BS. They are representing such a horrible stereotype of Asian women in North America. Like we're morons. Bah! Then again, none of them have 1) finished school, and 2) are going to university. Education is important. Reading is important. And, obviously, none of them read. =_=

Urgh. I feel sick. I tried to ignore the hidden message with "Genie"...but now...urgh...this is their pedotasticest album yet. Though "Kissing You" is still the song I hate the most; it fucking makes me want to punch people.

I am one leg short of writing a letter, an ACTUAL letter, of complaint.

Seriously, Lolitastic much?

Korean ahjusshis sicken me. Then again, so do Japanese otaku.

=_= Fucking pedophiles all of them.

(I would also like to take the time to mention how much Sunny's face, in "Genie" looks completely like she's gone to visit the make-up artists for Lord of the Rings in wanting to look like she has layers of prosthetics on. She has like about a pound of fucking cake on her. Jesus. >_>;)
 

*le sigh*

Okay, so I am seriously shitting out plot bunnies through my effing ears as I was complaining to Kati before. I've taken on yet another project. Hopefully, it won't be an ancient long bastard like Infection or what not. I plan on writing the entire thing and then posting it. Hopefully it'll be done in about a month, so everyone can enjoy it before I disappear for a month.

But yeah, I've been feeling up on the Yunho-angst recently. Dunno why. At any rate, I felt like writing him a really tragic and tormenting story. Yunyin, of course, because there ain't enough love for them. I've noticed that while I torture Jae a-plenty, Yunho's the one that gets the large portion of the suckage. He never seems to get the girl in any of my stories, and I'm not sure why. *sigh* It's a great mystery, but all my Yunyin ideas are all angst, angst, angst.

I'd like to write him a happy plot, but apparently, it's some kind of biologically impossible task. My Yunho is always angst-filled and suffering. *sigh* Sorry Leader-sshi. I love you, but I don't think I'll ever be able to write you anything happy. TT-TT The Air I Breathe is the perfect example. Though I didn't find that story all that angsty.

I'm pulling out the big angst guns for this new Yunyin, though. It should be a bit longer than The Air I Breathe, and hopefully, better. 

My goal for this fic is to make you all feel terrible. Not even sad, just...really terrible. ^^ That would make me happy. Hehe. This writer likes to be cruel sometimes. Just for fun.

O_O Wonder Girls in English...I...I dunno what to think. This is a little weird. I blame the lyrics.

Though damn, Ye Eun's got her pronunciation down. And Sunmi *squish* of course is as sweet as always. I hope they release a Rainstone Remix version, too. I actually like it a lot better than the original.

I think it'll take some time for me to get used to this...it's so weird to hear. I still like the Korean version better, right now. It just flows better. The English one has weird lyrics.

Eh...who knows...maybe eventually I'll see them on Much Music?

Michael Jackson passed today at 5:34ET.

He was a singer, a revolutionary, a man who shaped throngs of young people, and a core of popular culture, who changed the face of popular music all over the world. Beloved, adored, hated and mocked. He will be remembered for many things, but mostly he will be remembered for the music.


Whether you are a fan of his music or not, he remains one of the most well-known, influential and iconic singers of the 20th Century. The ones we love today will not have existed without him. There will come imitations and copies, but there will be none like him.

And like many before, he will continue to live on in his legacy.

Okay, so Infection right now has peaked at about 4,000 or so words for this chapter, and right now, I'm not sure if that's all there's gonna be. It feels like the chapter is done, but that would mean I would either end up adding an extra chapter, or the last chapter, which is the one that's coming up, will be a lot longer. Hmm...not sure yet. Mostly likely I'll write more.

At any rate, some things are coming together is getting done, and I've been working on UBV, Patior, and a few others. I've gotten my creative juices following again, which will be good.

I've been tempted lately to write Yunyin, and I'm not really sure why. I've got a really angsty story in mind, a definite tear-jerker, but I'm not sure how to go about writing it yet, or even if I want to, 'cause I cause Yunho pain an awful lot.

*sigh* It's so odd now to know that Infection is in the stages of wrapping up. I'm like just a couple thousand words from the end, and we've got one big hurdle to go through before I get to the end. There should be, after this coming one, one more chapter and an epilogue before I get finished. >_< I'm so nervous and so excited. The ending as me freaking out. I'm probably gonna write myself a clean ending, giving no room for sequels and what not. And finally I can go about focusing on the rest of my children, like The Riddle, UBV and Sonata, which have all been heavily neglected by me lately.

I'm thinking of doing a request thing, just to give myself new plots. Maybe a request page, and I can write a one-shot or something along the lines of it, 'cause I need variety and I've discovered I'm strangely comfortable when it comes to writing YooSu, though I think my is more XiChun. Yes, I sould go about writing some Yunyin. Really angsty Yunyin. I don't give him enough lines in my stories, seriously.

I need to write some one-shots. But when I do, they always end up being chaptered. I hate that. Yes, will write one-shots.

On another note, I've decided to end my fast today, because my body decided to give me a warning. A heavy warning. I got a massive head rush, got really dizzy, felt like there was an earthquake going on, fell, and hurt my arm bad, so I took that as a sign. It's been nearly a week, so it's fine. With the light-headedness, I am really worried about my blood pressure now...I should probably get it tested. I always have had really low blood pressure, and I don't think I should go about exasperating it anymore. Though I have lost about ten pounds, so I'm good and satisfied; skin's all nice and glowy too. Over all, it's a nice testament to my self-control. Would have liked to finish the rest of the four days, but I don't think I could stand another attack like the one I had today. I don't want to be on the stairs when I get another one; that would not end prettily.

Day four of my so called "hunger strike". Well, what my Dad calls my "hunger strike", of which I call a fast. I'm not exactly tired or hungry, just very...empty. Feel a little depressed, honestly, but my skin's seeing signs of clearing up, and that makes me happy. *sigh* Though, I would really like to eat...

I'll be glad when I can eat again. How religious people do this is beyond me...though I may use the emotionality of this state to do some writing, but I have like zero writing drive right now. Which seriously scares me, considering I have so many projects to update before I leave the country. Will force myself to write...because I need to...just need to get into the mood for it. I'll get Infection done if I have to cut the story out of my fucking veins.

On another note, I finally won over my non-lesbian pseudo-life-partner Katie with DBSK (specifically Yunho). I find this very ironic, considering her favourite and my bias are the "husband and wife" of DongBang, and simultaneously, so are we...me being the wife, of course. I'm retardedly amused by this and I'm not really sure why...Though, I think, as time goes on, she may go for Junsu, because I think she'll find him amusing...

I'm waiting for her "education" period to be over so I can have someone to fangirl with...and convince to eventually go to a concert with. Yes, yes, my plans for Japan are coming into fruition. Now lets all just hope Ayu doesn't retire before I get to Japan. That would depress me so. TT-TT She also got into Epik High, but that was too late for their concert...curses...

When I'm done this fast...I'm making myself Gyudon. With Onsen tamago.

So, in my life, so far, I've gotten my Dad to have rather friendly feelings towards DBSK. Now, however, I've finally gotten my non-lesbian pseudo-lifepartner Katie into them as well...well, not completely, but she's on her way. XD Ah, Yunho...Changmin...go and take her soul like Jae took mine. Fun times...

XD *dances* This made my NIGHT.

Now I just have to convince her to watch Super Junior Full House and my mission will be complete.

On a completely unrelated note...I'm disappointed at how few icons of Junsu I have. >_>; Will go icon-whoring Su tomorrow.

...um...I'm really starting to worry over my Jae bias. O_O I can't stop watching this gif. It's unhealthy.

( Jia's bias is unhealthy; very unhealthy )

I really should get away from bb...but I can't seem too...O_O *shakes head* Oi, I need to go to Church this week...

Yes, yes...Church next week. O_O;;

Oh god, my bunnies, this is going to induce more Patior, isn't it? *the bunnies nod; Jia cringes in terror*

=_= I should be writing my essay, but whatever. It's five pages, and it's a Gandhi movie review, so how bad can it be?

But gawd~~~! The plot bunnies are so sadistic! >_< So it looks like Shangri-La is actually, finally, getting something akin to a plot and I'm pretty sure it's becoming a "series" of sorts. I haven't worked out all the details, but I will be writing this, and it really is my first official Suyin (Playing Cupid doesn't really count, in my opinion). It is a weird sci-fi sort of story, like The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury, a series of short stories taking place in one "universe" and being connected with each other. There isn't a distinctive timeline, but it works.

There is a lot of oddity so far in this story. I'll be dealing with many subplots and people. Many will die, and come back(?). I'm fairly attached to this Suyin pair, because they are very odd. I'm fond of this Xiah (NOT Junsu, it's not Junsu). Jaejoong in this will be...oddly...very...and there will be a slew of other characters to come. 

I want to post more, but I'm holding off till I get some more comments. >_>; The ratios are irritating me right now.

The next "short" will be interesting to say the least and will come as a bit of surprise. God, the timeline of this story is abysmal. Well, it's supposed to be nonlinear. I rather like the style.

When I do want to write, my bunnies all fucking leave me. >_>; Feeling really uncreative and writer blocked right now. Been forcing myself to write UBV. Shangri-La is surprisingly coming along, but I swear to god, this is becoming the most fucked up thing my poor excuse for a brain has ever come up with. While I like the characters, they put me through a lot of frustration.

God, how I wanna get Infection done, and I'm like two parts from getting this chapter completely, but it just won't write~! Then I've got UBV, Patior, Sonata and The Riddle to work on before I leave. >_< I need to write~~~! And do my homework.

But, wow, I've written so many "stories" for Shangri-La now it's retarded. This is the strangest thing I've ever written. It makes sense, but also it doesn't really. But I have decided on some things, though the story is still structureless and pretty much up in the air. "Shangri-La" is a universe, in a way, and vignettes will essentially paint this "universe". This is an official Suyin though, but this story will also be weird, so expect the unexpected. Shangri-La has absolutely no sense of time, so I'm bouncing around everywhere in that respect. You'll be able to tell what is before what and after what, etc, but over all, it's not a streamline story. Shangri-La is also, really, Jia's first sci-fi story--yes, it is science fiction, but in the framework of Ray Bradbury, and it will reveal itself very slowly.

Some of you will be surprised by what I have in store for Shangri-La, because...well, I'm very much out of my element with this story. Shangri-La will have a lot of new things Jia hasn't done before; you can go ahead and guess if you want. The plot and characters will be all over the place, but every vignette will feature Junsu and Riin in some way, directly if not indirectly--it is the story of their "journey", so to speak.

*sigh* I've never really written something unplanned, but so far, it seems okay.

Jia's Summer Playlist (aka. What she'll be listening to as she flies 14 hours from Toronto to Shanghai):

1) Picture Perfect by Monkey Majik feat. m-flo
2) Infinity by GIRL NEXT DOOR
3) Toumei Ningen by Tokyo Jihen
4) Joy Trip by BENNIE K
5) The Fear by Lily Allen
6) Mirotic by Dong Bang Shin Ki
7) Stay away from me by Tommy Heavenly6
8) On And On by Utada
9) U-Go-Girl by Lee Hyori
10) Electro World by Perfume

As you can tell, my summer is very much about the dance music and JPop. I'm freaking in love with Monkey Majik (Canadian~~~!) and GIRL NEXT DOOR's songs right now. Such cheery, peppy tunes. Makes me happy. I dunno why Lily Allen's on this list, but "The Fear" has been really catchy to me lately. And Mirotic is on here as well, just because (I've gotten my friend addicted to it, too~!). I'm digging the techno synth this summer. I also have to give honourable mention to "Haengbok" by Super Junior, "Gee" by SNSD (for it's stuck in my head like a fucking bullet), and "Stand By U" by Tohoshinki (just because it's them, and I don't need a legitamate reason).

I so need to DL some Perfume before I go on my long assed trip. TT-TT They are so...cheery. And after that Music Fair ep, I really want to write Perfume/DBSK fanfiction... >_>;

Though, I've also been a little addicted to this Canadian (Calgary?) band called Stereos and their song "Summer Girl". They're not my type of band, and this is so not my typer of song, but the beat is so freaking addictive. At least they are homegrown Canadian talent. But god, my fellow Canucks/Torontonians, is MuchMusic not an evil, evil entity? Fucking Jonas Brothers are in town for MMVAs, and I still haven't seen Utada or BoA on TV yet. Dammit, I need to call in like a crazy person and request "Come Back To Me".

I'm vain. End of sentence. No other subject. However, I live with parents who went through a period when I was young where I was, pretty much, anorexic looking (not that I was; I really love food), and so they are always nervous when I lose weight quickly.

However, talking it over with a friend, I've decided to challenge the Lemon and Cayenne Pepper detox. Not just to lose weight, mind you, but mostly because I have...not nice skin, to say the least, and I want to clear it up. And I've been feeling like a fucking beast, honestly. I'm not a huge girl; but god I hate my body.

I'm vain, shuddup.

So, after my exam end the 18th, I'm going to do a ten day detox. >_< Really anxious about it, but a little excited as well. Because I have exams coming up, I can't do it (no nutrients = fail), but I'm going to start prepping my body by taking in a lot of vitamins and other nutrients and start lessening my daily intact of foods, so I don't feel so shocked by the change and fast.

I mean, hell, I'm reading Gandhi, and all he ever did was fast. He was so anal about his diet.

Honestly, this is something I'm doing out of vanity, but it's okay, my other righteous acts balances this out. Jia donates blood. ^^

Hopefully, this will work out. (Why is my mental Patior Jae cheering? O_O;;;)

This is in no way demonstrating I want to, or am, anorexic. I seriously love food. Like Changmin, but I gain weight so easily, it's horrible. And I'm vain. Very, very vain. Like my Bias, I'm a camera-loving dork. Hopefully my "after" pictures will look good as his.

Edit: Urgh. This post revolts me. But whatever. It's happening. Screw my parents.

So, being reminded by Gokusen, I decided to compile a little list of my J-drama and K-drama recommendations. I'm a very, very picky watcher, and it takes a lot for a drama to keep me interested. Anyways, here's the list, including my top 10 faves, because I've seen a lot of dramas. Today's will part one: K-dramas.

1) Cain and Abelstarring So Ji Sub, Han Ji Min, Shin Hyun Joon, and Chae Jung Ahn
I'm not that big of a fan of So Ji Sub, but he totally won me over with this series. I started watching this because I love Han Ji Min since her days in Da Jang Geum with Lee Young Ae. It's based on the Biblical story, and it's very well written and acted, with romance, lots of action and suspense. It's a great series, and the only one where I didn't skip through a single episode. It has really risen to become my top favourite K-drama.
2) Golden Bride starring Lee Young Ah, Choi Yeo Jin, Song Chang Ui, Song Jong Ho, Kim Heechul
Honestly, watching this series was how I got into Super Junior and Heechul. I love family dramas, and this is by far the best I've scene. It can be a little draw out at 64 episodes, but the plot is really good and unique and interesting. The cast also has great chemistry, and Heechul is pretty good in this, too.
3) Da Jang Geum (Jewel in the Palace) starring Lee Young Ae
This was my first Korean drama, and I loved it! It was very detailed and it had a great plot. Plus, Lee Young Ae is a great actress. It's very long, and I'm pretty sure everyone has sceen it by now, but nonetheless, if you haven't, you should. (Sadly, no link.)
4) Yi San starring Han Ji Min, Lee Seo Jin
Yes, another long drama and yet another period drama, but as I've said before, I like Han Ji Min. I really enjoyed the pace of Yi San, and it wasn't too overdramatic. I came to love the characters, especially King Jeong Jo. It's a nice series to watch if you enjoy period dramas.
5) Queen of Housewives starring Kim Nam Joo, Lee Hye Young, Oh Ji Ho, Yoon Sang Hyun
I love plots about families and people, so this was a real hit for me. It's a more mature type of plot, but has both drama and comedy at a nice balance with each other. And it wasn't too over dramatic like other series. It's something fun to watch with your Mom, if your Mom likes Korean dramas.
6) Full House starring Rain, Song Hye Kyo
This was what made me a Song Hye Kyo fan. She's such a funny and lovely character in this story, and I loved the fact that she wasn't a stick-thin actress. Plus, she's absolutely adorable in Full House, and her chemistry with Rain is excellent. A funny, cute little drama that really perks you up.
7) Shining Inheritance starring Han Hyo Joo, Lee Seung Ki
I just started watching this series, and it's already become a fave of mine. Hyo Joo is excellent in this, and once again, it falls into Jia's types of dramas, having a touch of the family element. It also has a nice balance between humour and drama. It's still currently airing, but should be done soon, and I can't wait to see how it unravels.
8) The 1st Shop of Coffee Prince starring Yoon Eun Hye, Gong Yoo, Kim Jae Wook
I don't really watch the romantic types of series, but the plot was really different cute and it turned out to be a very interesting little story. The chemistry between Eun Hye and Gong Yoo was very nice, and Kim Jae Wook really made his mark with this series. A fun type of story, not too out there.
9) Nonstop (Season 5 & 6) starring Tablo, Han Hyo Joo, Lee Minwoo, Kim Heechul, Kim Kibum, Hwang Bora, Park Heebon, etc.
The only sitcom on the list, but I love this series. So many of my favourite people are here: Tablo, Heechul, etc. Season 5 and 6 of Nonstop were the only ones I watched, but they were the ones I enjoyed the most. Season 5, however, was the best in my opinion. The chemistry and plot line was really good. There's links here and there for both seasons, which you can find floating around on Youtube. A really good cute little comedy series, kind of like Friends.
10) Goong starring Joo Jin Hoo, Yoon Eun Hye and Delightful Girl Choon-Hyang starring Han Chae Young, Jae Hee
Both series are the more popular K-drama series, and they were a two-way tie for me. I liked them for fun, but found them both to be a little over-dramatic. It's good for a girlie day, plus really nice eye-candy.

Those the really good dramas I've seen, and I've seen a lot of them. I didn't particularly like things like Winter Sonata, Spring Waltz, Stairway to Heaven, etc, because I found them waaaay too overdramatic. I worked my way through Stairway to Heaven, and I swear to god, the ending drove me insane that I wanted to stab things. Worst drama ending ever. Shakespearean in the worst kind of ways. I also prefer stories revolved around families with a suspenseful edge, hence my love of Cain and Abel and Golden Bride.

I suggest if you have free time and haven't seen some of these titles, do check them out. Especially Cain and Abel. I followed this series for a while, and it was so good, my life feels a little empty without it. It's a nice suspenseful series that's not too drawn out, and it's really a good overall drama that almost anyone can watch.

I have been waiting for this. Finally! The Gokusen movie~! Yatta~! *cheers*

This is one of my favourite Jdramas of all time, mostly because I love Nakama Yukie god, I wish I could direct her in UBV along with Jaejoong... TT-TT, who's freaking gorgeous and a great actress. This was the series that led to my downfall. Before, I was all happy, happy Jrock, where Hyde and Gackt were my life's blood. But then, with one single stroke, Gokusen shoved me into the Johnny's world. TT-TT KAT-TUN...*sigh*

I'm so excited for this movie. I love Yankumi. She's such a great character; seriously wish I had a teacher like her back in high school. Too bad MatsuJun (as Shin) isn't returning, though. TT-TT He and Yankumi were supposed to end up together Wait...is this how I got the idea for Patior? O_O;;;. Maybe he'll be a surprise at the end. Though, Kame's character in season 2 was more like the manga Shin, looks and stuff, too, and he's back, and that totally makes me giddy.

^^ Kyaaa~~~! Can't wait for it to come out~! Miura Haruma + Kame + Oguri Shun + Nakama Yukie...this is going to be golden.

So, I am now at a comfortable 60% done Infection, and I'm quickly on the road to getting this chapter done. *beams* Which, hopefully if I'm feeling the creativity, will be done in a couple of days. However, I probably won't post it immediately. Why? Mostly because I leave in a month, and I want to leave everyone a big "gift", so to speak. Hence, I'll be doing a mass post at the end of July, just before I leave for China for my month-long vacation. *beams*

Many of my major projects will, hopefully, all see updates: Infection, UBV, Unrecorded, The Riddle, Sonata, and Patior. I plan on updating them all, at least once, before the summer is over. Look how hard working this writer is. My readers need to comment more. >_>;

I'm also hoping  a few of my more low-key projects, like Like a Rollin' Stone and Playing Cupid, and depending on how things go, maybe I'll be able to work out Shangri-La, my newest pet and my first official Suyin, although Jae plays his part, too. I dunno what exactly I'm gonna do with it, yet, because it's a story that's straddling a lot of lines right now. I dunno if it's gonna just be that one shot, or develop into something more. Who knows.

I also plan on writing a companion piece to my Suyin one-shot Elegy that's a Jaeyin one-shot along the same lines of it. I have a couple one-shots in planning, most of them a little darker. I want to write an experiment and see how my readers deal with something more on the grotesque side of things. I want to write a dark Jae.

I've also been re-reading Angel Sanctuary a lot lately, and it prompts me with some bad ideas, which I want to write, but then get too intimidated and creeped out by. To satisfy that side, I'll probably just go about writing more of The Judgment. And hopefully, this summer trip to my ancestral lands will give me inspiration for my novel, The River.

*sigh* Now if only I can stop procrastinating and get my homework done. >_<;

People say I have a lot of projects going on, but when I look back, I really don't have that many. I just have a lot of chapters. Hopefully, by the time I'm back in China, Liyin's new MV and Heaven's Postman will be out, and I can finally make proper MVs, trailers and intro sequences for all my fics. Dammit, Una Bella Vita needs an intro sequence!

I'm hoping I'll bring my laptop with me, so during free hours I can do a little bit of writing. Maybe work on my novels.

*grins*

So giddy I am that it's retarded. Though I will also be suffering the super-diet I'm imposing on myself to look good by July. Yes, I am that vain. Shuddup.

*GIDDY*

XD I'm soooo excited for this drama now. Even though he has like one word during this preview, but whatever. Jaejoongie looks mightly fine and delicious. And manly.

I wasn't so looking forward to this, at first, because I'm really nervous about Jaejoong's acting skills, and I was really disappointed by Hyojoo in Spring Waltz. However, been watching her in "Shining Inheritance" lately, and now I'm doubly excited for when this comes out. It doesn't seem to bad, and it'll be nice to see him kiss a girl. BB gets no action, I swear. >_>; *shakes head* Still, he definitely is taking an acting page out of Hyunjoong's books a la BOF. But whatever. Hyojoo's there for the acting, Jae's there to be eye-candy. XD And I like the background song.

Ahhh~~~~so giddy for this now. I'm squealing, and it's been a while since I squealed like this.

But the writing seems to be good, since it is from Kitagawa Eriko-san, who wrote "Long Vacation" and "Tatta Hitotsu no Koi" with Kimutaku and Kame respectively, and so hopefully with this drama she may launch Jae's acting career. I just hope the director doesn't fudge up the script.

Gah! I wanna direct/write Jaejoong in a movie/drama...*coughUBVcough*

Edit: Now with subs. *giddy* Kyaaa~! Been watching this clip over and over again. Hehehe. I wanna kiss with Jaejoong too~~~ *giddy like a kid*

Yes.

I am the happy. Very. Chill. Mellow. Genki. SUBARASHI! Life feels all kinds of good again.

I've been having a big academic trouble lately, and been calculating my CA like a crazed possessed woman and getting really, really stressed and panicked and anxious and paranoid over my grades. I actually thought I did really, really bad, but, apparently, I calculated my marks really, really off, and I didn't do as hideous as I thought. It was not great, but still, I didn't fail, and that's all I'm asking for these days. And so my academic life continues uninterrupted.

Though, honestly, part of me was really looking forward to not going back to school.

At any rate, I feel so satisfied and mellow and relaxed now. I'm gonna take a short mental vacation while my Mother's birthday comes up (the 5th, right after Yoochun's *snickers*). Honestly, personality wise, my Mom and Yoochun are a lot alike. She would love him for a son. I'm happy to have some time now to recharge my batteries and enjoy this thing I call life. It's beautiful again. I'm short of being in bliss right now.

Hopefully, I will be getting back to writing soon. I'm incapable of writing anything right now. I'm just too relaxed. That big relief washed me clean. The plot bunnies are all dead. Well, only one is still kicking, and he's a persistent little fucker, because Jia has a secret fondness for Host clubs *winks*. We'll see how I go in the weeks to come. I'll be even more cheery when the weather gets warmer, and hopefully I can update something. Sorry about Unrecorded, Kati *shamed* will get that to you soon, promise.

*twirls* Now I'm off to watching Han Hyo Joo in Shining Inheritance. Lee Seung Ki may annoy me, but Hyo Joo's cute. Though I will always have a secret love for Tablo and Hyojoo from their Rainbow Romance days. Now I must stop rambling. 

I used to be a good writer. I was. I was once great. What the fuck happened?

Seriously. What. The. Fuck. Happened. To. My. PROSE!

I am, by nature, a prosiest. My influences, since youth, have been the two great prose masters, Oscar Wilde and Vladimir Nabokov. I love their use of language and syntax: their mastery of words are like great painters with their brushes, able to so clearly form images from poetics. I have always tried to, as best as I can, to emulate their style, for that is art: that is the immortality of which Humbert Humbert spoke of in regards with his Lolita. Unfortunately, about 95% of the things I've been writing lately has not been art. Not remotely close to art. 

I have, on a night and moment of nostalgia, been reading some of my old fics, and thus stumbled again onto The Judgment, which has been rewritten and replanned over and over again. It is, out of all my works, my most proudest piece of literature, for I write it as if its narrator were real and concrete. The style is my most natural form, my most favourite form, and it is a story that will, in decades to come, be the draft of my magnum opus.

Reading over the language of that--which, by the way, I begun at the green age of 17--is far more complicated and texturized than what I do presently. But, in the past year or two, I have been learning how to write "popularly" in order to eventually find a publisher, but I feel disappointed in myself for having abandoned The Judgment.

And so, I think, for the next while, I will try to focus my attention on working on The Judgment and less on other things. While I do wish for success out of my works, I do care for the artistry of my creations. And so far, in my opinion, nothing I have written has even come close to the complex and layered qualities of The Judgment. I must resume listening to real music, as well. Less of the KPop, and more of Shiin Ringo, Chihiro Onitsuka, Bob Dylan and Vienna Teng. I must return to my roots before I lose it all completely.

I must return to the prose.

EDIT: An excerpt from The Judgement—

She laughs softly, an airy trifling noise escaping out of her tongue, touching air and forming icicles in the texture of knives. She turns from him, the gesture almost shy in nature, hands wrung behind her small back in the semblance of a diminutive bouquet of thorns. “You speak of such kindness, my darling Raphael. I trust you believe your words. But is your love for me so concrete, so permanent, of which I can give my heart—do you love me as you love Father? For, as we are told, only that love is real—because we are Angels, the servants of Heaven, and we are designed to only love our Maker.” She turns back to her golden haired companion with a smile, one unique curve of the lips that was signature to her and private for Raphael. “How selfish of Him.” She breathes lightly, unraveling the air from her lungs like a butterfly escaping from a silky cuccoon, as if to relieve some deep philosophy which she was too terrified to speak of. As if the very mention of such things, whether blasphemous or not—for Belial was the most unpredictable compass—would rob her of something, would offend Raphael so. Ah yes, I wonder that, too, as well, my dear: did she fear to love Raphael, perhaps? Did she love, and so feared the loss of that love? 

I think...returning to writing this, I still got it. I hope so. Still sounds like Uriel, thank god.